


I have nothing

by WolfKomoki



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Flashpoint Didn't Happen (DCU), Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-15
Updated: 2017-12-19
Packaged: 2018-11-01 02:34:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 13,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10912548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfKomoki/pseuds/WolfKomoki
Summary: Barry has no one. He’s alone now. His own family couldn’t even be there for him when he was grieving. His own friends couldn’t do that either. Central City wasn’t his home, not anymore, and that's why Barry moves to Star City.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The Flash and Arrow is owned by The CW.

          

 

 

Barry stares at the glass walls of the metahuman cells in the pipeline. They had betrayed him. Zoom had killed his father, and instead of comforting him in his grief, they locked him up. It's obvious to Barry that they don't care about him. If they did care about Barry, they would have comforted him in his grief, not lock him up in the pipeline. Barry got their message loud, and clear.

          When Wally lets Barry out of the cell, he grabs his bag, and that’s when he starts walking toward the exit.

          “You don’t have to worry about me anymore. Your message was _loud_ and _clear._ Don’t worry, you’ll never have to see me _again_.” He tells them, his voice breaking. He’s already packed his bags. He’s leaving Central City, for good. His mother is dead, his father is dead, and the people that he had _leaned on_ , had _trusted_ to be _there_ for him, had locked him in a damn _cell_ when he was grieving.

          Barry has _no one. No one_ had been there for him the night that his father died. Barry was _alone_ now.

          “Bar Where are you going?” Joe asks.

          “Don’t act like you _care_ about my well being. Your message was _loud and clear_ when you locked me in the pipeline. You’re all _dead_ to me. Go to hell!” Barry snaps, and that’s when he races away from Star Labs, taking his Flash suit with him as he runs to Star City. As Barry runs, tears pour from his eyes.

          Barry has _no one._ He’s _alone_ now. His own _family_ couldn’t even be there for him when he was grieving. His own _friends_ couldn’t do that either. Central City wasn’t his home, not anymore. Star City was his last shot at finding comfort. If Team Arrow shuts him out too, then Barry is going to jump off the nearest cliff that he can find without a second thought.

          When Barry finally gets to Star City, he wipes the tears from his eyes as he realizes that The Flash suit had burned in his arms. That’s fine, he didn’t want the stupid suit anymore anyway. After dropping the suit, Barry races into the Arrow Cave without a second thought.

          “Oh! Barry!” Felicity gasps, having been startled when he ran in.

What she wasn’t expecting, however, was to see Barry just break down crying when he races in here.

          “Barry, come here.” Felicity orders, and that’s when Barry sits next to her. Felicity pats Barry’s back, pulling him closer as he sobs against her chest. Slowly, she runs her fingers through his hair.

          “It’s okay Barry, I’ve got you. Let it all out.” Felicity tells him. Felicity hates seeing anyone cry, and it being Barry, that's crying, well, that makes her hurt worse. She just sits there, holding Barry as he cries. It was about forty minutes later when Barry finally stops crying, having cried himself to sleep.

          “Oh Barry, oh honey.” Felicity sobbed. It was about ten minutes later when Oliver, Laurel, Diggle, Thea, and Quentin returned to the Arrow Cave.

          When they got there, the first thing they see is Barry sleeping against Felicity’s lap on the couch.

          “Felicity? Is everything okay? Why is Barry sleeping here?” Oliver whispers, walking over to Barry.

          “I don’t know, when he came here he just started crying.” Felicity whispers.

          “I’m going to take him to one of the cots in the medical bay.” Oliver whispers, draping Barry over his shoulder as he carries him to the medical bay. Once he was there, he gently lays him on the cot, covering him with the blanket. Once he did that, he returned to the main room of the Arrow Cave.

          “Hey Oliver, not that I’m not glad to see him, but do you know why Barry is here?” Quentin asked.

“I don’t know. Felicity said that he was crying when he got here.” Oliver answers.

“Guys, go to the Central City news.” Felicity demands, and that’s when Diggle opens an article.

          “Famous doctor Henry Allen was murdered by the famous speedster known as Zoom. We here in Central City send our condolences to anyone that knew this man.” The article reads.

          “Oh, my God.” Diggle gasps.

          “Where is that son of a bitch?” Oliver growls.

          “Take it easy, they already took care of Zoom.” Felicity tells him, trying to calm him down.

          “Well, someone needs to stay with him until he wakes up!” Thea demands.

          “I’ll do it.” Oliver tells them.

          “Hey Oliver, make sure the kid is alright, don’t let him do anything stupid.” Quentin demands.

          “I won’t.” Oliver tells him, and that’s when Oliver returns to the medical bay, sitting next to Barry. When Oliver found out about what happened to Henry, the first thing he felt was anger. Barry was finally happy, and then it all came crashing down. Oliver knew the stages of grief, denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Oliver knew that these things were inevitable, but he really didn’t want Barry to have to go through these stages.

          It was about eight hours later when Barry woke up to see Oliver sitting next to his bedside.

          “Well, I’m glad to see that _someone_ still cares about me.” Barry growls.

          “Barry, what are you talking about? Where’s Joe and Iris?” Oliver asks.

“Don’t know, don’t care. As far as I’m concerned, they can go to hell.” Barry growls. Oliver was shocked by Barry’s words. He didn’t mean that, did he? He couldn’t mean that. Why would he say something like that?

          “You don’t _mean_ that, do you?” Oliver asks, still shocked at Barry’s words.

          “ _Yes,_ I do. My mother is dead, my father is dead, and instead of _comforting_ me in my grief, they locked me in a damn _cell_! I _trusted_ them, I _leaned_ on them. I _trusted_ them to be _there_ for me, and instead, they locked me in a _cell_! I have _no one_! _No one_ was there for me that night, and I’m _alone_!” Barry shouts.

          “You’re not alone Barry.” Oliver protests.

          “ _Yes,_ I am Oliver!” Barry shouts.

          “No, you’re not. I’m here for you, I’m not going to leave you alone.” Oliver tells him, and it was those words that comforts Barry.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

          When Oliver gets done talking to Barry, Barry decides to sit on one of the couches of the Arrow Cave. After getting out his laptop, he starts typing up his resignation letter. He’d already blocked the numbers of Joe, Cisco, Iris, Caitlin, and Harry. Wally was the only one that had let Barry out of the cell, so he was the only one that Barry wasn’t pissed off at.

If Barry wanted to, he could use his speed to type it, but Barry wanted the distraction, so he decided to use that time to type that letter.

          It was two minutes later when he receives a text from Wally.

          “ _Where are you?”_ Wally asks.

          “ _Are you going to tell them my location?”_ Barry demands.

          “ _Barry, they deserve to know. I know you’re pissed at them, but they at least deserve to know that you’re okay.”_ Wally tries to get through to him.

 

 

 

          “ _Sorry, I can’t tell you.”_ Barry apologizes. Part of it was because he didn’t want them to find him, but the other was that he didn’t want them to find the Arrow Cave. After that, he returns to the letter, trying to keep his emotions out of it. After forty minutes he was done, and that’s when Diggle sits next to him.

          “We have a surprise for you, if you want to see it.” Diggle informs.

          “Well, that sounds ominous.” Barry teases, and that’s when he follows Diggle to the main cortex. When he gets there, he sees the team’s vigilante outfits on the mannequins. What he wasn’t expecting, however, was to see an extra suit in the corner of his eye. Slowly, he gets closer, and that’s when he stares at the mannequin in confusion.

          “Is that my suit?” Barry asks after several minutes of confused silence.

          “Well, it’s nowhere near the same as the one Star Labs made for you, it’s made of similar material to Oliver’s suit.” Diggle told him. Also, this suit was a darker red than his other one.

          “Well, what do you think?” Diggle asks.

          “I like it.” Barry smiles. It was two minutes later when Barry’s phone vibrates with an alert from Star Labs. It was this point that Barry sighs.

          “What? Everything okay?” Diggle asks with concern.

          “My phone is still connected to Star Lab’s metahuman alerts. I don’t know how to erase the program from it.” Barry answers.

          “Why don’t we get Felicity to look at it?” Diggle offers.

“Okay, I’ll leave it here for her then.” Barry states, placing his phone next to the computer.

          “So, I should probably hand in my stuff to the CCPD. I’ll be back as soon as I can.” Barry informs, and that’s when he races down to a local library, having put his resignation letter on his flash drive. Once he gets there, Barry prints the letter, racing down to Central City as he goes to the CCPD. Once he was there, he leaves the letter, and his badge on the desk as he runs back to Star City before anyone sees him.

          Joe would try to talk him into coming back to Central City. Coming back to Star Labs. He would demand an explanation, and he would beg him to come home. Central City wasn’t Barry’s home, not anymore, and as far as Barry is concerned, Joe is dead to him. Star Labs is dead to him. Team Flash is dead to him. No, Barry isn’t going to come back. He _refuses_ to be locked up ever again.

          Barry may have super speed, but he’s _still_ a human being. He has emotions, just like everyone else, and he breaks down too. No, he’s never going back to Central City. Central City can rot in hell as far as Barry’s concerned. Getting that alert on his phone, was just another reminder of everything that they’ve done to him.

          “Where’s Barry?” Felicity asks, walking next to Diggle.

          “He took off. Said something about handing his stuff in to the CCPD.” Diggle answers. It was then that Felicity notices Barry’s phone.

          “Wait, why did he leave his phone?” Felicity asks with confusion.

          “He wants you to erase the program from his phone that connects it to Star Lab’s alerts when The Flash is needed.” Diggle answers.

          “Ah. Should be easy enough. Let me see what I can do.” Felicity smiles, hooking Barry’s phone up to the computer as she got to work.

          Now that Barry has that taken care of, he starts running back towards Star City. He makes it to the entrance of Central City before he feels a hand on his shoulder.

          “There you are Scarlet! I’ve been looking all over for you!” Snart greets.

          “Not sure if I should be creeped out, or flattered.” Barry chuckles.

          “Where have you been anyway? It’s been days.” Snart asks.

          “After my dad died, and they locked me in that cell I couldn’t stay in Central City anymore. Being there reminded me of him, and them. It reminded me of just how little they care about me. I trusted them, I leaned on them. I trusted them to be there for me, and instead, they locked me in a cell. Being in Central City reminded me of that, and I’ve had enough.” Barry answers with anger in his voice. Barry’s voice was cold, angry, and not that Snart would ever admit it, but it was kind of scaring the hell out of him.

          “Barry, come on. There must be _something_ worth staying for.” Snart sighed.

          “What was worth staying for locked me in a cell. Central City isn’t my home, not anymore.” Barry sighed, and that’s when he runs off. Barry was relieved that it wasn’t any of them that found him. He didn’t owe them an explanation, if anything they owe him an explanation. An explanation on why they weren’t there for him when he needed them the most, and why instead of comforting him in his grief, they decided to lock him up instead.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

          When Barry gets back to Star City, the first thing he thinks about is Felicity. Barry had had a crush on her for a long time. The only problem was that she was dating Oliver now. Well, there was Thea, but Barry wasn’t exactly sure of how to approach the subject of a date. One, he didn’t even know if she would say yes, and two, he didn’t know if Oliver would approve. Hell, Oliver might even shoot Barry with an arrow, again.

Still, one date couldn’t hurt, right?

          When Barry starts running, he starts feeling lightheaded. When was the last time he ate something? Barry couldn’t remember. Slowly, he reaches in his pocket, grabbing his leftover calorie bars. Barry’s hands were shaking as he grabs the calorie bar. Fuck, when was the last time he ate something? He eventually manages to open the wrapper, and that’s when he starts eating the calorie bar. They weren’t the tastiest things in the world, but they were okay in case of an emergency, like now.

          Eventually he manages to eat the calorie bar, and that’s when his hands stop shaking. _Well, that_ _’s_ _going to be a problem. Wonder if Team Arrow can recreate the calorie bars?_ Barry wonders. When Barry received the alert from Star Labs, suddenly the memories came crashing back. The memory of watching his father be murdered in front of him, the memory of being locked in a glass cage when he was grieving. All he wanted was some damn comfort, and they couldn’t even provide that.

          Barry doesn’t know what to call them now. They weren’t his family, and they weren’t his friends. They weren’t strangers, so acquaintances seemed fitting for now. Either way, he should get back to the Arrow Cave, so he runs. He gets there a couple of minutes later, and that’s when Felicity looks up from her screen.

          “Oh, hey! I took care of that program for you!” Felicity smiles, handing him his phone.

          “Thanks Felicity.” Barry smiles, taking the phone.

          “By the way, I found some places for rent in Star City, if you’re planning on staying here.

          “How did you-it’s been like ten minutes.” Barry asks.

          “It’s actually been twenty, but okay.” Felicity teases.

          “Well, thank you, in any case.” Barry smiles, sitting next to her after she motions for him to follow. After that he sits, and that’s when she pulls them up on the screen.

          “Okay, so I didn’t know what you could afford so I found five apartments. I also found five houses of people that are looking for a roommate if you’d prefer that instead, so I’m going to let you handle it from here, just don’t break it.” Felicity tells him.

Barry let out a sarcastic laugh in response, and that’s when he started looking at the places that Felicity picked out.

          Barry didn’t particularly want to live in an apartment by himself. It would be nice to have a roommate in a house, but if things go the way that he wants them to with Thea, then a roommate might become a problem. Still, it wouldn’t hurt to look at all his options, so he decides to look at all the places. There were ten different addresses, so Barry writes them down on his phone.

          “Well, I’ll probably be gone all day so, don’t wait up for me.” Barry informs, and that’s when he speeds down to the first address. The first apartment was a one bedroom apartment. It was affordable, but the area surrounding it was a little too noisy for Barry’s taste, so he goes to the next one. This next apartment was way too luxurious for Barry to afford so, he goes to the next one. The next apartment was a one bedroom apartment, but it was surrounded by a lot of bars, and Barry didn’t want to have to risk that at his apartment, so he goes to the next one.

          This apartment was promising to Barry. It was near a park, so there was a nice view out of the windows. It was in a rural area as well, so it was a lot quieter. Still, he still had six places to check out, so he goes down to the last apartment. When he gets to the apartment he realizes that it’s on the sixth floor. He can’t exactly go out on Flash duty if his apartment is on the sixth floor, so he goes down to the fifth location, which is the first house on the list. It’s also one of the houses that are looking for a roommate, so Barry supposed that he’d have to meet the roommates as well. The next house was surrounded by a large, stone wall that stretched for miles. The nice thing about this one was that the wall covered the houses from view, and the trees hid the house should Barry need to go out on Flash duty.

          Slowly, a pale skinned, red haired woman walks into the yard.

          “Oh, hey! Are you here about the extra room?” She asks.

          “I’m thinking about it. Do you still need a roommate?” Barry asks.

          “I do actually. My name is Jasper Hill.” The woman greets.

          “I’m Barry Allen.” Barry greets.

          “Well, why don’t you come inside?” Jasper asks, and that’s when Barry slowly walks inside the house. The inside of the house was mostly brown, white, and pink, which Barry didn’t mind too much.

          “Your room is on the ride side of the hall, two doors down.” Jasper informs.

          “Okay, thanks.” Barry smiles, and that’s when he walks into the room. The walls were painted a tan color. The floor had brown carpet, and there was a window to the left. The room had enough room for a bed, a dresser, and a nightstand. A TV if you put it on the wall. Either way, it was a nice room. _Well, I think I’ve decided on this place._ Barry thinks, and that’s when he takes care of the legal paperwork.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

          When Barry wakes up the next morning, he decides to go to one of those grief support meetings that he noticed on his way into Star City. Slowly, he walks into the meeting. He’s never been to one of these before, but when he found out that these existed, well he was intrigued.

          “Well, don’t just stand there! Come in! Everyone’s welcome!” A blond-haired woman named Lissie calls from one of the chairs. Hesitantly, Barry sits in one of the empty chairs. What he wasn’t expecting, was to see Jasper here.

          “Jasper?” Barry asks, completely shocked,

          “Everyone, this is Barry. Why don’t we give him a warm welcome?” Jasper calls. It was at this point that the room waves to Barry. After that, Barry sits in one of the empty chairs.

          “One of our traditions here is to let newcomers tell us their story first. Katie, Barry, why don’t you start us off?” Jasper asks. Katie was a peach-skinned, red haired, green eyed woman wearing a t-shirt and jeans.

She appeared to be around nineteen-years-old.

          “When I was seventeen, my sister got addicted to Vertigo. I tried to help her, but I was too late. I came home late one night, and that’s when I found her. She had overdosed when I came home from a sleepover with my friends.” Katie tells the group. After a couple minutes, it was Barry’s turn.

          “When I was eleven, my mother was murdered by a speedster named Eobard Thawne, and my dad was wrongfully convicted for it. I spend my entire life trying to get him out of prison, and when I finally did, my dad was murdered by a speedster named Zoom. Now, naturally I wanted revenge, maybe even vengeance, right? Well, instead of comforting me in my grief, the people that I once considered my friends, and family locked me in a cage in Star Labs.

          After my dad died, and they locked me in that cell I couldn’t stay in Central City anymore. Being there reminded me of him, and them. It reminded me of just how little they care about me. I trusted them, I leaned on them. I trusted them to be there for me, and instead, they locked me in a cell. Being in Central City reminded me of that, and so I moved out here, to Star City.” Barry tells the group. After that, it was Jasper’s turn.

          “When I was twenty-eight, my mother was killed in a jewelry store robbery. She was getting herself a nice necklace, she wasn’t supposed to die that day, but some assholes in ski masks decided to rob the place, and shot her.” Jasper tells the group. When Barry heard her story, he felt both anger, and sadness. Anger that yet another person lost someone that they loved, and sadness that he wasn’t around to save her mother from such a fate. This world was cruel, Barry could tell you that since his eleventh birthday.

          “When I went off to college, my parents were killed by a drunk driver. I got a phone call early in the morning when I was in my dorm, informing me that they had died, and that they had left an inheritance for me. I used that inheritance to get my degree, and after that I came back to Star City.” Lissie tells them.

          By the end of the Grief Support meeting everyone had told each other their stories of why they were here at this meeting, and that’s when they decided to exchange numbers with each other. Barry was grateful for some new people to talk to, as his old friends had betrayed him.

          “Hey Barry, we all like to go out to eat sometimes at the end of our meetings. You’re welcome to join us if you would like.” Katie offers.

          “I do like the sound of that. It would be nice to get to know Star City, being new to the town and all.” Barry smiles.

          “Well, what do you want to eat? It’s your turn to pick.” Katie asks.

          “Guys, I’m new here, remember? I don’t know what’s around here.” Barry reminds them.

          “What’s your favorite food then?” Jasper asks.

          “Don’t suppose there’s a Big Belly Burger here?” Barry hopes.

          “Hell yes! Let’s go!” Katie exclaims, running outside as they each got in their cars. Lissie rode here with Katie, mainly because she didn’t own her own car. Jasper was about to get in her truck when she realized that Barry didn’t come here in a vehicle.

          “You don’t have a car?” Jasper asks with confusion.

          “Oh, no. I took an uber here.” Barry lies.

          “Come on, get in my truck, it’ll be fun!” Jasper smiles. Barry wanted to run there, but he couldn’t expose his secret to these people, he only met them today, not counting Jasper of course. Slowly, he gets in her truck. Once they were both buckled in, she started driving to Big Belly Burger. After thirty minutes, she parked and they walked into the restaurant with Lissie, and Katie. After that, they all ordered their food, and that’s when they sat down at a larger table.

          “Man, you eat a lot! Three burger combos? Damn.” Katie comments. Barry chuckles at that.

          “Apparently being struck by lightning gives you a crazy metabolism.” Barry chuckles. This statement caused Jasper, Katie, and Lissie’s eyes to widen in shock.

          “Wait, wait, wait. You were struck by lightning?” Jasper asks.

          “Remember when the Particle Accelerator exploded in Central City?” Barry asks.

          “I remember hearing about it.” Lissie informs.

          “Well, at that time I lived in Central City, and I was in my lab, and the particle accelerator exploded. Lightning came through the skylight, striking me, and throwing my body into the chemical rack. I was hit with both lightning, and the dark matter. I spent nine months in a coma because of it.” Barry explains. He left the secret of his powers out of it, as he didn’t know if he could trust these people with that information yet.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kind of ship Jasper and Lissie. Wonder what their ship name would be?  
> Jassie? Jlissie?


	5. Chapter 5

          “If you don’t mind my asking, why did they lock you in a cell?” Katie asks.

          “They claimed that it was for my own good, whatever the hell that means. Personally, I think it’s because they wouldn’t know how to comfort someone if their life depended on it. I only wished that I realized how little they cared about me before I got attached to them enough for them to be able to hurt me. Maybe if I hadn’t let them in, then they wouldn’t have been able to hurt me.” Barry answers.

          “Barry, that’s not the answer. I know you don’t really know me that much, but not letting yourself get close to people is only going to hurt you more. After my parents died, I did just that. I shut myself off. The thing about not allowing yourself to feel emotions, is that eventually those emotions come out, and when they do you’ll explode. I know you’re hurting, but shutting yourself off will only end up hurting you even more.” Lissie tries to get through to him.

          “I’m just so _angry_ Lissie!” Barry admits.

          “I know, and you probably will be for a while, but you need to let yourself feel. You need to let yourself grieve, it’s the only way to heal.” Lissie tells him.

          “I know I should, but I’m afraid that once I start crying, that I’ll never be able to stop.” Barry sighs. Barry has always hated crying. He hates the way it makes him feel, and the way it makes his eyes turn red.

          “Well, I’m here if you ever need a shoulder to cry on.” Jasper tells him.

          “Thank you, I appreciate it.” Barry smiles.

          “Hey Barry? I’ve got to get to work. Do you want me to drop you off somewhere?” Jasper asks.

          “No, that’s okay. I’ll call an uber. I don’t want you to be late.” Barry lies. The truth is, he was going to run to the Arrow Cave, and he didn’t want her to discover their location.

          “If you’re sure. I’ll see you later?” Jasper asks, slowly walking outside the restaurant as everyone drove away.

          “Yeah, you will. We are roommates after all.” Barry teases, and that’s when she gets in her truck, and drives away. Once Barry was out of eyeshot, he runs to the Arrow Cave.

          “God! Barry! Stop doing that!” Diggle gasps, having been startled when he ran in.

          “Thought you’d be used to that by now.” Barry chuckles.

          “Not in this lifetime.” Diggle teases.

          “So, where is everyone?” Barry asks, noticing that Diggle, and Felicity were the only ones here.

          “Well, Oliver is currently working at his day job as the mayor. Quentin as the deputy mayor, and Thea as the chief of staff to the mayor. Laurel is currently working some guy’s case so it’s just you, me, and John.” Felicity tells him.

          “Oliver’s mayor now. That’s, um… well, it’s something.” Barry chuckles. Slowly, Barry stared at the monitors in the medical wing.

          “So, we’ve been talking, and well… how would you like to join the team?” Felicity asks.

          “You’re not going to shoot me, are you?” Barry jokes.

          “Ha, no. Welcome to the team.” Diggle chuckles.

          “Okay, well if I am going to be part of the team, then we need to upgrade the monitors. I’d hate for you to defibrillate me when it’s not needed due to the monitors not being able to read my heart rate.” Barry states.

          “I’ll see what I can do.” Felicity informs, going over to the monitors as she starts taking them apart, and putting in pieces from their extra equipment for the computers in the room. It was at this point that Barry plugs his headphones into his phone, and decides to check the news reports from Central City.

          “It’s been two days and there’s been no sign of The Flash. Without our Scarlet Speedster, crime is at an all-time high. With the disappearance of the hero, I wonder: is The Flash alive? Has he abandoned us? Where is our beloved hero?” The news anchor reports. Sighing, Barry shuts off the feed.

          “Something wrong?” Diggle asks as Barry unplugs the headphones.

          “Central City has noticed that The Flash isn’t there to save them anymore.” Barry sighs.

          “What are you going to do?” Felicity asks.

          “Honestly? Nothing. They can find a new hero. I’m _done_ with Central City.” Barry snaps. Ten minutes later, Lyla walks in with Sara, and some food from their favorite Chinese restaurant.

          “Oh, sorry Barry. If I had known you were coming I would’ve bought more food.” Lyla apologizes as she sets the food on the table. When Barry sees Sara, the one-year-old stretches out her arms, wanting to be held by Barry. Chuckling, Lyla hands her to Barry, and that’s when Barry sits on the couch, holding Sara as gently as he can. When he held her, Sara decides to grab Barry’s hair.

          “Hey, hey now. Don’t do that.” Barry chuckles, moving her hand away from his hair. Sara looks at his face with confusion, and that’s when she decides to squeeze his nose.

          “Excuse me, I need my nose. What are you doing?” Barry asks, his voice muffled as he speaks. When Sara hears his muffled voice, she giggles, and that’s when he decides to walk around the room, holding her as he pretended to make her fly.

          “Look out! Flying baby!” Barry calls, slowly running around the room while holding Sara. It was two minutes later when Quentin walks into the Arrow Cave to see Barry playing with Sara.

          “Uh….” He mutters, slowly sitting down in one of the chairs. It was then that Barry sits on the couch, holding Sara.

          “What? I’m good with kids.” Barry chuckles, seeing the confused look on his face.

          “Anyway… if you wanted to transfer to the SCPD I can put in a good word for you.” Quentin tells him.

          “You’d do that?” Barry asked with amazement.

          “I’d be kind of a jerk if I didn’t.” Quentin chuckles.

          “Well, either way, I appreciate it. Thank you.” Barry smiles.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Personally I think that Barry is awesome with kids and would make an awesome baby sitter for Sara.


	6. Chapter 6

          Felicity was looking at the computers for anything that the team can help with. Eventually she finds some strange security footage. White lightning flickered inside a building. A white-haired figure appears, absorbing the electricity in the building.

          “You guys need to see this.” Felicity calls, and that’s when Barry, Quentin, Oliver, Laurel, Diggle, and Thea walked over to the monitors.

          “What is it Felicity?” Barry asks.

          “I’m not sure. Let me replay the footage.” Felicity admits, rewinding the footage. A white-haired woman in a black suit was in an abandoned building in the city. White lightning flickered from her hands as she shocked the people inside, causing them all to run. Barry’s eyes widened when he recognized her.

          “What?” Diggle asks, seeing the shocked expression on Barry’s face.

          “That’s impossible.” Barry stammered.

          “What’s impossible?” Thea asks.

          “That’s impossible. She can’t be here.” Barry mutters.

          “Who can’t be here? What’s going on?” Diggle asks.

     “When I was still part of Team Flash, we were testing out a tachyon device that would increase my speed. I used the device, and I ended up on a parallel Earth. It was there that I met a woman called Livewire. Anyway, she can both manipulate, and absorb energy. This must be her doppelganger.” Barry babbles. After that, Oliver, Diggle, Laurel, Thea, and Barry changed into their vigilante costumes.

     “No offense, but what exactly are you going to do if she electrocutes you? It could kill you, you know.” Barry asks.

     “Well, I’m not letting you take her on, on your own. We’re a team Barry.” Oliver snaps.

     “This isn’t up for _debate_ Oliver. The fact of the matter is, is that electrocution doesn’t hurt _me_ , but it does hurt all of _you_. I won’t be responsible for the deaths of anyone else I care about, so _no_ , you’re not coming.” Barry snaps, and that’s when he runs to the location before they had a chance to stop him. When Barry gets to the location, Livewire’s doppelganger shoots him in the leg with electricity. Hissing in pain, Barry starts to run around her, when he remembered what happened on Kara’s earth. When he ran around Livewire, the electricity that trails around him only made her stronger. _Well, shit._

     In the corner of his eyes, he notices a green substance on the floor, and that’s when he decides to get closer. When he touches the substance, a creature with red tentacles flings itself onto Barry, wrapping its tentacles around his chest. Barry’s world fades to black after that as he loses consciousness.

     _When Barry wakes up, he finds himself back in his childhood home. Slowly, he realizes that he was in his old room._

_“Barry, thank God!” Nora sighs in relief._

_“Henry! He’s awake!” Nora screams, and that’s when Henry runs over to Barry. Upon seeing his parents, Barry’s eyes widen in shock._

_“How_ _…_ _what_ _…_ _you_ _…_ _what’s going on?” Barry stammers, slowly sitting up._

_“Whoa! Easy slugger! You have a major fever, you shouldn’t try to get out of bed yet.” Henry shrieks, gently pushing Barry down._

_“No, no, this isn’t real!” Barry shrieks, getting up as he tries to flash his way out of the house. It was then that he realized that he doesn’t have his powers._

_“I don’t have my powers. I can’t run.” Barry realizes._

_“Of course, you don’t have powers. Powers only happen in fiction, Barry.” Henry chuckles._

_“No, no whatever this is, this isn’t real. It’s using my memories against me!” Barry shrieks, and that’s when he runs outside of the house._

_“Barry, stop! You can’t leave! You’re sick son!” Nora calls, but by then, it was too late, Barry was already gone. When Barry leaves, he calls for an uber, telling them to drive him to Star City. When he gets there, he decides to walk to the Arrow Cave, only to find that it doesn’t exist. At this point, he starts sobbing._

_“What the hell is going on? This isn’t, this is wrong! This is all wrong!” Barry screams._

_“Barry? What are you doing out of bed? You have a fever of one hundred, and two, you shouldn’t even be out of the house, much less six hundred miles away.” Oliver scolds._

_“No! No, this doesn’t make any sense! Where’s the Arrow Cave?” Barry shrieks._

_“What? Barry you’re not making any sense. I need to get you to a hospital!” Oliver shrieks, forcing Barry into his car as he helps him buckle up._

_“Oliver, you don’t understand, I need to get out of here!” Barry tries to get through to him._

_“No, what you need to do is shut up, and let me take you to the hospital.” Oliver sighs. What the hell was Barry thinking? He’s way too sick to be out here._

_“No hospital. Star Labs, please.” Barry pleads._

_“What? Why the hell would I take you there? Star Labs is an abandoned building.” Oliver asks with confusion._

When Barry’s brain waves showed that he was unconscious, that’s when the team became very concerned.

     “Damn it Barry! I told you not to go alone!” Oliver sighs.

     “Come on, let’s go get him.” Diggle sighs, and that’s when they all go to the location. When they get there, they could see Barry out of the corner of their eye. He was on the ground, completely unconscious with something wrapped around his chest. Whoever that woman was, she’s gone now. Slowly, they all walked over to Barry, and that’s when their eyes widened. A creature with six circles was on Barry’s chest, and each circle had a red tentacle wrapped around his chest.

    

     “What the hell, is that?” Thea asks.

     “I don’t know! Oliver?” Diggle shrieks.

     “Like I would know? We need to get him back to the lair!” Oliver shrieks.

     “Okay, but how? That thing is wrapped around him!” Laurel shrieks.

     “We need to carry him back, without making that thing feel threatened. Who knows what it might do.” Oliver orders. Slowly, Diggle drapes Barry over his shoulder, and that’s when Oliver gets on the mic.

     “Over-watch, we need a van. Something happened to The Flash.” Oliver sighs. After forty minutes Quentin drives to the outside of the building, and that’s when they put Barry in the van, driving him back to the Arrow cave.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you're confused, Barry was attacked by The Black Mercy. Also, that was Livewire's Earth-1 doppelganger.


	7. Chapter 7

_When Barry wakes up, he finds himself back in his childhood home. Slowly, he realizes that he was in his old room._

_"Barry, thank God!" Nora sighs in relief._

_"Henry! He's awake!" Nora screams, and that's when Henry runs over to Barry. Upon seeing his parents, Barry's eyes widen in shock._

_"How…what…you…what's going on?" Barry stammers, slowly sitting up._

_"Whoa! Easy slugger! You have a major fever, you shouldn't try to get out of bed yet." Henry shrieks, gently pushing Barry down._

_"No, no, this isn't real!" Barry shrieks, getting up as he tries to flash his way out of the house. It was then that he realized that he doesn't have his powers._

_"I don't have my powers. I can't run." Barry realizes._

_"Of course, you don't have powers. Powers only happen in fiction, Barry." Henry chuckles._

_"No, no whatever this is, this isn't real. It's using my memories against me!" Barry shrieks, and that's when he runs outside of the house._

_"Barry, stop! You can't leave! You're sick son!" Nora calls, but by then, it was too late, Barry was already gone. When Barry leaves, he calls for an uber, telling them to drive him to Star City. When he gets there, he decides to walk to the Arrow Cave, only to find that it doesn't exist. At this point, he starts sobbing._

_"What the hell is going on? This isn't, this is wrong! This is all wrong!" Barry screams._

_"Barry? What are you doing out of bed? You have a fever of one hundred, and two, you shouldn't even be out of the house, much less six hundred miles away." Oliver scolds._

_"No! No, this doesn't make any sense! Where's the Arrow Cave?" Barry shrieks._

_"What? Barry you're not making any sense. I need to get you to a hospital!" Oliver shrieks, forcing Barry into his car as he helps him buckle up._

_"Oliver, you don't understand, I need to get out of here!" Barry tries to get through to him._

_"No, what you need to do is shut up, and let me take you to the hospital." Oliver sighs. What the hell was Barry thinking? He's way too sick to be out here._

_"No hospital. Star Labs, please." Barry pleads._

_"What? Why the hell would I take you there? Star Labs is an abandoned building." Oliver asks with confusion._

_“No! Whatever this is, this isn’t real! You can’t take me to a hospital!” Barry protests._

_“Listen to me Barry, you have a raging fever. If I don’t get you to a hospital you could die, do you understand that? You could die Barry!” Oliver screams, trying to get through to him. This isn’t real, this isn’t real. This isn’t real. Barry reminds himself. This can’t be real; his parents are dead. Maybe Oliver was right though, maybe he was never The Flash in the first place. Maybe his powers were the result of a fever dream._

_It was thirty minutes later when they arrived at the hospital._       

“What the hell is that thing?” Diggle shrieks.

          “How the hell should I know? I’ve never seen anything like that in my life!” Oliver shrieks.

          “We need to call Star Labs.” Quentin demands.

          “Hold on a second. Barry hates his old team. If he finds out that you called them, he’s going to be pissed.” Thea reminds them.

          “Yeah? Well, he can be pissed and _alive_.” Laurel snaps. It was then that Felicity grabs her phone, calling Star Labs.

          “This is Star Labs. I’m Cisco Ramon, may I ask who’s calling?” Cisco’s voice greeted on the phone.

          “Hey Cisco, it’s Felicity.” Felicity answers, her voice breaking.

          “Felicity? What’s wrong? You sound upset.” Cisco asks with concern.

          “Normally I wouldn’t have called you because I know that Barry would be angry with me if he knew, but I don’t really have a choice. There’s some sort of creature wrapped around Barry, and it’s feeding off him. We don’t know what it is, and we’re hoping that one of you might. Get here as soon as you can, please.” Felicity sighs.

          “Okay, I’ll see what I can do.” Cisco informs as he hangs up the phone. Joe had tried to contact Barry, but it was clear that he wasn’t going to talk to him. Ever since he took off, he hasn’t been answering any calls or texts. He didn’t know where Barry was, and that scared the hell out of him. Joe wants to make it up to him, wants to apologize for locking him in the pipeline, but Barry told him to go to hell, so it’s clear that he never wants to see him again. Joe knows that Barry will be pissed when he sees him, but he can be pissed, and alive.

          It was about an hour later when they got to the Arrow cave, and that’s when Oliver leads them to the med bay. When Cisco, Joe, Caitlin, Iris, and Wally get to Barry’s bed side, their eyes widened in shock. Barry had an oxygen mask on, and some sort of creature was wrapped around his chest.

          “What the _hell_ is that?” Joe demands.

          “We don’t know. We were hoping you did.” Oliver answers. Slowly, Cisco puts his hand on one of the creature’s tentacles.

          “Cisco! Don’t!” Joe shrieks, and that’s when the creature breaks off into a smaller piece, wrapping its self around Cisco’s chest. After that, Cisco’s entire world goes black.  
_When Cisco wakes up, he finds himself in a hospital room. When he looks at the other side of the room, he finds Barry in a hospital bed._

_“Barry!” Cisco calls, slowly sitting up._

_“Go away.” Barry growls._

_“Barry! Listen to me! Whatever this is, it’s not real!” Cisco shrieks._

_“So, I’m not crazy then.” Barry sighs with relief._

_“I don’t know where we are, but back in the real world, there’s some sort of creature wrapped around our chest. It’s feeding off us.” Cisco explains._

_“Why now? Why did you wait until now to give me any sort of comfort, huh? Where the hell were you when my father got killed? That’s right, you locked me in a cell. So, don’t think that this makes up for it, because it doesn’t.” Barry snaps._

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Barry is going to be just as pissed at his old team as Cisco was at Barry during the whole Flashpoint fiasco. Also, the difference between Barry's experience, and Kara's experience, is that Kara eventually starts accepting the reality that the Black Mercy created for her, while Barry never does accept it.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter may be triggering. Barry is very suicidal in this chapter. If you find that sort of thing triggering, then you might not want to read this chapter.

_“Fine, fine. How do we get out of here?” Cisco asks._

_“I don’t know. This isn’t real, but it’s as real as it can be.” Barry sighs._

_“Maybe I can open a breach?” Cisco suggests._

_“Good luck. My powers don’t work here.” Barry sighs._

_“What if we try to create a particle accelerator explosion? Maybe we could recreate your powers.” Cisco suggests._

_“They say you can’t die in a dream. So, theoretically, if we die here, then we’ll wake up.” Barry suggests._

_“Or that creature will kill us. I’d suggest the particle accelerator.” Cisco protests. Barry blinked as the scenery changes to Star Labs. Like Oliver said, the building was abandoned._

_“There’s nothing here. Okay, guess we’ll go with your plan then.” Cisco sighs, and that’s when Barry climbs up to the roof of the building._

_“You ready?” Barry asks. Barry was still pissed, but he didn’t want to be in this fake world any longer than he has to._

_“Not even a little.” Cisco admits, and that’s when they jump._

          _When Barry and Cisco hit the ground, the world slowly faded away, and that’s when they woke up_.

          When Cisco and Barry died in the fake world, the creatures slowly crawled off them, and that’s when Diggle stomped on them, and burned them. Now that the creatures were dead, Oliver throws them in the nearest dumpster. Slowly, Barry and Cisco open their eyes, and that’s when Felicity unhooks them from the equipment. Once she does that, Cisco and Barry slowly stand up from their cot.

          “I’m glad you’re okay, but we’re not friends. There’s the door.” Barry snaps.

          “Barry come on! He just got attacked by some sort of creature. Lay off for a bit!” Joe shrieks.

          “Yeah? Well, he should’ve thought of that when he locked me in a cell instead of comforting me in my grief.” Barry spats.

          “Listen Barry-“Cisco tries to say.

          “ _Save it_. I don’t want to hear your excuses Francisco. You’re not my friend, and I’ll never trust you again. _Leave_!” Barry snaps.

          “You know Barry, I am sorry that you’re mad at me, but I’m not sorry that you’re still alive.” Cisco states, slowly walking to the other side of the room.

          “Damn it Barry! We’re sorry, okay!” Joe sighs.

          “Sorry doesn’t _cut it_ , Joseph.” Barry growls.

          “Barry, we were trying to protect you.” Iris tries to say.

          “Protect me? From _what?_ My own emotions? Well, guess what, I’m human too, and I break down. I feel emotions. So, you know what? You all can go to hell.” Barry snaps.

          “Don’t you think that’s a little _harsh_?” Wally asks.

          “After they locked me in a cell like a common criminal when I was grieving? No, I don’t.” Barry scoffs.

          “We’re sorry Barry. We shouldn’t have locked you down there, but you were scaring us. We were afraid that you were either going to kill him, or get yourself killed.” Caitlin sighs.

          “Can you ever forgive us?” Harry asks. Barry froze at that question. It would serve them right, if he said no, would show them how much they hurt him, but is the hatred toward them worth it, at this point?

          “I don’t know.” Barry answers simply, and that’s when they leave.

         

          “How did they know that I was here?” Barry demands.

          “I called them.” Oliver lies, and that’s when Barry punches Oliver as hard as he could.

          “How _dare_ you! You _know_ what they did to me, and you fucking _called_ them? I _trusted_ you! You know what? I’m out. Go fuck yourselves!” Barry shouts, and that’s when he runs away. _I can’t, I can’t do this anymore. I trusted them, and now they betrayed me too._ Barry thinks, and that’s when he runs to the cliff that he had fallen from when Cisco had saved him with the drones. A part of Barry wonders if he should forgive them. They were only trying to keep him safe.

          _Do you even hear yourself right now? You were grieving. You expected comfort from them, and instead, they locked you in a cell. How can you justify what they’ve done?_ A voice in the back of his mind reminds him. Wally was the only one that was on his side, but he was still working with them, and so he’s a traitor too.

          Barry had time traveled once. Granted, he had only gone back a day, but theoretically he could go back to the day that Nora was murdered, and he could stop that from happening.

          “No, I can’t risk it. I’m sorry.” Barry speaks, his voice breaking. A part of him wanted to run back to the Arrow cave, and just collapse in their arms and let them comfort him, but another part of him wanted to go back in time and save his mother. The thing about time, is that it’s able to be manipulated. Barry could go back in time, and save her, but there’s just no telling what that change will do to the timeline. No, he can’t risk it, no matter how much he wants to.

_What are you waiting for? Jump. You have nothing now. You have no one._ A voice in the back of his mind taunts. Barry had done this once already. He had intentionally missed the jump, hoping to be dead when he hit the ground, but of course, Cisco just had to bring those drones along and save him. Well, there were no drones this time. If he did it, then he’d be dead this time.

          Tears poured down Barry’s face. He wants to go back and save his mother, so bad, but he’s afraid of what will happen when he does. He had only gone back one day, and the timeline was screwed up then. Going back to when he was eleven and changing the past? Who knows what kind of damage he could do. He could erase himself from existence, but again, who knows what kind of damage that would do to the timeline?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Barry tries to kill himself in this chapter.  
> If you're suicidal, then please don't read this chapter, and please talk to someone. https://pastebin.com/zPqphYgd

          Barry stares at the waterfall in the horizon, listening to the soft water pouring in the background. Birds were chirping in the background, and it was quiet. Barry jumped off this same cliff once before, only then there was someone to save him. Slowly, Barry walked towards the edge, staring down at the ground. Holy shit that’s a long way down.

          Barry looks back up at the waterfall. No, if he was going to do this, he was going to do this right. So, he steps back from the edge, and grabs his phone, unblocking the numbers of his former team. He then starts composing a group message to all of them.

          “ _If you’re reading this, then I’m dead. I’m floating in a waterfall, totally free from pain, and it’s all thanks to you. My father is gone, but did you care about that? Of course, you didn’t. You locked me in a cell when I was grieving, when all I wanted was a little comfort, and of course none of you offered it to me._

 _What you did offer was a glass cell with nothing but my own reflection to look at, and my own thoughts to keep me company. I trusted you, I leaned on you, I trusted you to be there for me, and instead, you locked me up. So, you know what? I’m not your problem anymore. As of this moment, I’m with my father.”_ He sends, and that’s when he places the phone on the ground.

          He gets a running start, and that’s when he jumps. Barry continues to fall until he feels a cold beam wrap around his legs, stopping his fall. Ever since his conversation with Barry, Leonard has been feeling a sense of dread when it comes to Barry. Maybe it was grief, maybe it was betrayal, but something is off with that kid. He had tracked Barry here with his phone, and thank God, he did, because if he had been a second too late, the kid would be dead. Barry hears someone scream his name, and that’s when he looks down to see the beam of the cold gun wrapped around his legs.

          “Barry!” Snart calls. _Oh God, please be alive, please be alive. Please. God, please be alive._

          Barry whimpered in pain. He was supposed to be dead, why did Snart save him?

          “Scarlet! Are you alright? Answer me!” Snart calls. Barry tries to answer, but he was in too much pain. Eventually, he passes out. _Damn it, I’m going to have to find a way down there._ Snart realizes, and that’s when he uses the gun to create a pathway from the top of the ledge, to the bottom. Finally, Snart gets to the bottom, and that’s when he finds Barry.

          Slowly, he checks for a pulse, silently praying that it was still there. He sighed with relief when he found one. When he looked at Barry’s legs, he realized that they were starting to freeze.

          “Shit. He’s going to lose them if I don’t do something.” Snart realizes, and that’s when he places the lighter on the parts that were freezing. The process was slow, but eventually, it melted the beam around his legs. Shit, the kid is going to need medical attention. _Where am I going to take him though? Star Labs is off the table now._

          Snart decides to go through Barry’s phone, and that’s when he finds something peculiar. What the hell is an Arrow cave? Whatever, the kid needs help, he’d worry about that later. Now that he was safely on the ground, he drapes him over his shoulder, getting into the car that he had driven here, and that’s when he straps Barry in the back. _Just hold on Scarlet, please._

          It was about forty minutes later when Barry slowly starts to come around. The first thing he realizes is that he’s strapped into something leather. Okay, so he’s in a vehicle of some sort. He still could hear his heart beating, so he was alive. Slowly, he opens his eyes to see Snart behind the wheel.

          “You’re awake.” Snart states. Barry tries to lift his wrist, and that’s when he realizes that his wrists had power dampening cuffs attached to them.

          “You son of a bitch.” Barry growls.

          “You can be pissed at me all you want, but you can be pissed and alive.” Snart states.

          “Did it ever occur to you that I _don’t_ want to be alive?” Barry spats.

          “Look Barry, I know you’re hurting, but believe me kid, you don’t want to die.” Snart states.

          “What, me jumping off a cliff wasn’t enough of an indication? Maybe slitting my throat would get the message across.” Barry scoffs.

          “You don’t want to die, you just want the pain to stop.” Snart corrects.

          “Don’t you get it? Dying is simple. It all just stops: you’re dead. The people around you dying? _That’s_ the hard part, because you just keep living. Knowing that _they’re gone_ , and you’re still here. The people that are alive, are dead to you, and so the only people that you can count on, are dead. _No one_ will miss me when I’m gone.” Barry growls.

          “That’s where you’re wrong. _I’ll_ miss you. _I’ll_ miss you.” Snart informs.

 

          “I just can’t do this anymore. I miss him so much.” Barry admits.

          “I know kid, I know.” Snart breathes. Eventually, he parks in front of the Verdant.

          “Can I trust you not to try to hurt yourself if I take these off?” Snart asks.

          “Snart?” Barry asks. It was at this point that he realizes that he’s paralyzed.

          “Yeah Scarlet?” Snart asks.

          “I can’t move.” Barry states.

          “Shit, um, stay there.” Snart orders, and that’s when Barry rolls his eyes.

          “You know what I mean.” Snart sighs, walking to the back as he unstraps Barry.

          “What are you going to do? I can’t move.” Barry asks. _If he’d just take these damn cuffs off me, then my healing could kick in._ Barry’s eyes widened when he drapes him over his shoulder, and carries him inside the Arrow Cave, taking off the power dampening cuffs.

          “Can I keep those actually? They’d be useful.” Barry asks. Snart raises an eyebrow, but takes them inside anyway.

          “Please, help. He’s hurt.” Snart pleads.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

         

         

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, that line was from the walking dead. Partially anyway.


	10. Chapter 10

          It’s been two days since I tried to kill myself. I stared at my phone, looking at the thousands of messages that were sent to me from Team Flash. As I stared at these messages, I became angry. The only reason why they’re even sending me these messages, was because I tried to off myself. I sighed, grabbing my phone as I called Wally. After about a minute, he picked up.

          “Barry! Thank God! Are you okay? We’ve been worried _sick_ about you!” Wally shrieks.

          “Oh? I didn’t know that you _cared_.” I scoffed.

          “Of _course,_ we care about you! What the hell!” Wally shouts.

          “Well, you have a funny way of showing it. After all, it was your team that locked me in a cell when I was grieving.” I reminded him. Wally sighs.

          “Look Barry, _we fucked up_ , okay? Is that what you want to hear? We never should have locked you in there.” Wally sighs. It was a start, but it wasn’t enough.

          “That’s not good enough.” I told him.

          “Then _what_? Please Barry, tell me what I can do to make it up to you!” Wally pleads.

          “ _You_ don’t have to make anything up to me. It’s _them_ that has some making up to do.” I informed.

          “And how do you expect them to do that, when you’re six hundred miles away from them?” Wally asks.

          “Wally, don’t be a smart ass.” I sighed, hanging up the phone. This was why I blocked their numbers in the first place. I don’t want to talk to them, and I don’t want to see them right now. They destroyed any chance of a relationship when they locked me up, and I wasn’t ready to forgive them yet. Sighing, I walked into the kitchen, and that’s when I made breakfast for Jasper and I. Five pancakes, four eggs, and six pieces of bacon for me. Jasper was more of the egg sandwich type, and so after forty minutes, I had the food on the table. It was two minutes later when Jasper walks in, yawning.

          “Oh my God, what is _that_?” Jasper asks, her mouth watering as she sits down.

          “It’s breakfast, silly!” I chuckled, placing her plate in front of her. After forty minutes I was done eating, and that’s when I put on my new badge. Today was my first day as the SCPD’s newest Forensic Scientist. I decided to take last night’s leftover pasta for lunch, and that’s when I sped over to the building. Once I got there, I slowly walked inside.

          “I spoke to Walter Steele last night. He passed.” A man that I didn’t know speaks to a woman I didn’t know.

          “Well, does that surprise you? In three years we've had three mayors and one candidate for mayor who've all ended up dead. Anyone with any common sense is not going to throw their hat in the ring.” Quentin scoffs.

          “Can't we just go on as we have, running city hall by committee instead of electing a mayor?” The man speaks.

          “Maybe we should have you focused on catching these Ghosts.” Another person that I didn’t know speaks.

          “That's just what the media calls them, because they disappear like ghosts.” The woman scoffs. So, it seems that they’re dealing with some sort of meta. Do they even have the proper task force to handle this?

“Yeah, I didn't say it wasn't cute.” Quentin scoffs.

          “The truth is, these guys are hard to catch. They're not your average, everyday criminals. Average everyday criminals don't have cyanide capsules in their teeth so they can off themselves rather than be interrogated. I'm doing the best I can here.” He adds.

          “Ah Allen! Why don’t you join us?” Quentin greets, motioning for me to sit. After sitting next to him, I waited for them to fill me in.

          “So, what’s this I hear about ghosts?” I asked. At this point, Quentin fills me in.

“We need to do better.” The woman demanded.

          “I’m doing the best that I can here.” Quentin reminds them.

          “This city was dying before more masks showed up to wreak havoc. Look, we'll get these guys eventually and things will turn around.” He adds.

          “I mean, look, we rebranded the city, we got the new tourism program, we got the new high-speed rail line to Central City. Hopefully from Central City.” The woman adds.

          “I wouldn’t hold my breath on Central City helping out.” I scoffed.

          “Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t you used to live in Central City?” The man asks.

          “Keyword: _used to_. I left that gosh forsaken town.” I corrected.

          “Fair enough.” The man states. I blinked when people started running outside the room.

          “What’s going on?” I asked.

          “I don’t know, let’s find out.” Quentin states, and that’s when they all ran to the main room.

          “Someone cut the brakes to two trains on the main railroad, they’re going to crash into each other.” One of the officers spoke, and that’s when my heart almost stops.

“Go!” Quentin whispers, and that’s when I ran after them, changing into my Flash suit. Once I got to the railroad, I press my hands against the two trains, vibrating my body as they phase through me. As they phase through me, I scream at the top of my lungs, waiting for them to safely pass. They pass through my body four minutes later, and that’s when I stopped vibrating the trains. After that, I changed out of my suit, and that’s when I returned to the SCPD.

          “You! New Kid! Did you hear?” One of the officers greets.

          “Hear what?” I asked.

          “The Flash was spotted in Star City! He saved the trains!” The officer exclaims.

          “That’s great… um…” My voice trailed off, waiting for their name.

          “Oh! Right! I’m Lieutenant Dave Ellet, and you are?” He greets.

          “I’m Barry. Barry Allen.” I answered. His eyes widened at that statement.

          “You’re him. You’re the guy that got struck by lightning!” He exclaims. I chuckled.

          “Yeah, I guess so.” I smiled.  
  


  
  


  
  


 

  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

          Later that night, Barry went out on his first mission as the newest member of Team Arrow. Barry didn’t think that they would let him continue to be part of the team after he punched Oliver, but to his surprise, they did.

          “I want a code name.” Felicity speaks into the microphone.

          “What?” Oliver asks.

          “Everyone has a code name. You even got a new one. I want a code name.” Felicity demands.

          “Find the bomb, and then we’ll talk.” Oliver chuckles.

          “I'm scanning frequency signatures. I just know we're not going to talk about it. John you’ve got a runner.” Felicity informs.

          “I’m on it!” John states, running after the guy.

          “Got it. The Ghost frequency of choice is on the ground level. Ten will get you twenty it's the bomb. I don't mean that it's the bomb, like it's good, like it's DA bomb! I mean like it's the explosives.” Felicity babbles.

          “Felicity? I got it. The ground floor, right?” Barry chuckles, running into the speed force as he goes down there. When he gets there, everything is frozen, which gives him time to look around. There were five people in this room. Two of them were children. He looks at the timer, and that’s when he realizes that it was set to go off in one minute. Suddenly, he’s running, faster than he ever had as he grabs each person, taking them out of the building before the bomb goes off. Once everyone was safe, he’s back in the speed force, going down there again, as he grabs the edge of the bomb. His legs feel like they’re on fire as he runs. He’s never pushed himself this much before, and his heart is pounding.

          “Barry, what’s going on? Your vitals are all over the place.” Felicity calls into the microphone. Barry didn’t have time to answer right now, right now he had to get the bomb somewhere safe before it explodes, so he runs. He decides to take it to the nearest ocean he can find, and that’s when he starts running. Pain, unbearable pain, that’s all he felt as he ran across the ocean. His legs felt like they were on fire as he ran, and his heart was pounding in his chest.

          He needed to get far enough out in the ocean that there weren’t any people nearby. When he finally gets far enough, he throws the bomb in the water, and that’s when he runs away from the water, his heart still pounding as he pushed himself. When Barry gets somewhere where he can finally stop, immediately, he’s aware that something is wrong when he can’t catch his breath. The tightness in his chest isn’t helping matters either. He’s aware of Felicity shouting his name before his world goes black, his body collapsing against the ground. When Felicity heard the loud warning attached to Barry’s vitals, her heart nearly stopped. Barry’s vitals were all over the place.

          “Barry, what’s going on? Your vitals are all over the place.” Felicity calls into the microphone. Barry didn’t answer, and that’s when she heard it. Barry’s breathing was fast, too fast, way faster than it should be. Suddenly, there’s water in the background, and that’s when Felicity realizes something: the bomb hasn’t gone off yet. It doesn’t make any sense, the bomb was set to go off after a minute, it should have exploded by now. Eventually the bomb explodes, and that’s when Felicity realizes that he had thrown it in the ocean.

          “Okay Barry, that’s _enough_! Get down here!” Felicity calls into the microphone. There was no response. Eventually, she hears a loud thud in the microphone. That… didn’t sound good.

          “Barry! Are you alright? What happened?” She called into the microphone. Barry didn’t answer back. When Barry didn’t answer, Felicity tracked his location, and that’s when she realized that Thea was the closest to his location. Suddenly, she’s shouting his location to Thea, and that’s when Thea starts running. It was about three minutes later when she finally does find Barry. Barry was currently on the ground, and he wasn’t moving. _Shit._ Slowly, she walked over to him, and that’s when she pressed her fingers to his neck, checking for a pulse. Eventually she finds one, and that’s when she begins to panic.

          “Fuck Felicity! His heart’s barely beating!” Thea calls into the microphone. Suddenly, she’s loosening Barry’s suit, hoping that it would help the speedster.

          “You’re okay, you’re okay. Stay with me, stay with me.” She pleads. Barry’s pulse was getting weaker, and weaker.

          “Felicity!” Thea pleads, screaming into the microphone. It felt like an eternity before they find her, rushing Barry to the Arrow Cave as fast as they can. When they get there, they’re hooking Barry up to the machines as fast as they can, trying to figure out what was wrong with the speedster. When the readings came in on the heart monitor, Diggle’s own heart almost stopped when he realized what was going on. Barry had pushed himself to the point that he was now having a heart attack.

          “ _Move_!” He shouts, racing to the medical supplies as he grabs everything that he needs to treat a heart attack. He’s racing against the clock now, trying his best to stabilize the speedster. Finally, after five minutes pass, Diggle had managed to stabilize him. Team Arrow lets out a sigh of relief after that. They were so scared that they were going to lose Barry, they damn near lost him the _last time_.

          “Alright guys, he’s going to need some rest. Let’s not crowd him all at once.” Laurel states.

          “I’m staying with him!” Thea demands. _You nearly died in my arms, no way in hell am I leaving the room!_

          “Alright, everyone else goes to the main room, we don’t want to scare him when he wakes up.” Felicity states as all but Thea left the room. Now that she was alone, she sits closer to him.

          “Damn it Barry! You scared the _hell_ out of me! Don’t you ever scare me like that again!” She gasps, tears pouring from her eyes.

            


  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

          When Barry starts to come around, his hearing was the first thing to come back. He hears a steady beeping sound which he immediately recognizes as a heart monitor. When he finally does open his eyes, the first thing he sees is a blinding white light. Slowly, his vision focuses, and that’s when he sees Thea sleeping in a chair next to him. When he looks to his right, he sees that his suit had been moved next to Spartan’s.

“Barry? Hey.” Thea calls, after opening her eyes.

“My chest hurts.” Barry complains.

“That’s because you pushed yourself until you had a heart attack dumbass. What the _hell_ were you thinking Barry!” Thea snaps.

“I wasn’t going to let all of you die.” Barry answers.

“You could have died, Barry; do you get that? You’re lucky you didn’t need surgery! How would we put you under, did you ever _think_ about that?” Thea shouts. When Barry looks at her, he sees tears in her eyes.

“Hey, that didn’t happen, okay? I’m alright.” Barry speaks, trying to reassure her. Thea’s blood boiled at that statement.

          “But it _could_ have! Whatever your problem is, you need to work through it before you go out there again. You’re going to get yourself killed!” Thea shouts.

          “You want to know what my problem is Thea? My dad was murdered by a speedster before my very eyes, and the very people that I trusted to help me with my grief locked me in a cell. _That_ ’s my problem.” Barry snaps.

“I think it’s more than that though. You miss them, don’t you? That’s why you pushed yourself tonight.” Thea adds.

“Miss them? They’re dead to me Thea.” Barry scoffs.

“You know for someone you claim is dead to you, you sure mention them a lot.” Diggle says upon entering the room.

“If you call them, I swear to God, I will leave and never come back.” Barry growls.

          “Alright, that’s it.” Diggle sighs as he walks over to grab some of the empty bottles out of the trash. After that he, hands them to Barry.

“Throw these at that wall as hard as you can.” He orders.

          “Why?” Barry asks with confusion.

“Because you need something to deal with your anger.” Diggle answers.

“Okay, I’ll humor you.” Barry mutters, grabbing the bottles as he throws them at the wall. As he watched them break into pieces, he was slowly starting to calm down.

“Better?” Diggle asks.

“For now.” Barry answers.

“I’d offer you a sedative, but you’d burn through it if last time is any indication.” Diggle teases.

“Ha, yeah.” Barry chuckles.

“Want me to tell them to get in here or do you need a minute?” Diggle asks. Barry was startled when his phone rang on the table.

“Oh, let me get that.” Diggle says as he grabs the phone.

“Jasper Hill? Who’s he?” Diggle asks.

“It’s a she, and she’s my roommate.” Barry answers.

“Your roommate? Does she know?” Diggle asks.

“Not really.” Barry answers.

“Seriously? She doesn’t know? How on Earth do you manage to keep that secret?” Diggle asks.

“She’s always out at night. It’s like she never sleeps.” Barry admits.

“So, what’s the story with you two anyway? Are you dating?” Diggle asks.

“God, no! She’s in her thirties. Besides that, she has a girlfriend.” Barry protests.

“Oh. Have you met her girlfriend yet?” Diggle asks.

“Yeah, her name is Lissie. They went to my grief support meeting together.” Barry answers.

“Kind of an odd place for a date, if you ask me.” Thea adds. Barry snorts at that comment.

“Yeah, I thought so too.” He agrees.

“Speaking of dates, when’s the last time you and Lyla went to one?” Barry asks.

“Since before Sara was born.” Diggle admits. Barry laughs.

“That’s sad man. You should get a sitter. I’d help but uh, you’re not supposed to be out of bed after having a heart attack.” Barry adds.

“Speaking of heart attacks, the first time I read 220.08 on the heart monitor I almost had a heart attack myself.” Diggle adds.

“Well to be fair, that’s considered major tachycardia in normal people.” Barry chuckles.

“Do us a favor, don’t go doing that shit again.” Thea demands.

“I’ll do my best, but in the meantime, I’m going back to sleep.” He yawns. It was about an hour later when he falls asleep, and that’s when Thea, and Diggle decide to talk out in the hall.

“Something else is bothering him, and it’s not just his father, or his old friends, or his family.” Diggle sighs.

“You know there are actually five stages of grief? Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. Right now, he’s in stage two.” Thea explains.

“I just wish I knew how to help him, before he gets himself killed.” Diggle sighs.

“He needs therapy. Clearly, these grief meetings aren’t helping.” Thea sighs.

          “How do we know he even goes to those meetings?” Diggle asks.

“Good point.” Thea mutters. It was about ten minutes later when they hear clattering coming from the med bay.

          “What the hell?” Diggle asks.

          “Let’s go check it out.” Thea adds, grabbing her weapon as she and Diggle slowly walked into the room. When they get there, Barry is knocking all the instruments off the table.

          “Barry!” Thea calls. Barry doesn’t hear her.

          “Barry! What the hell? Stop!” Diggle calls. Still Barry doesn’t hear them. Sighing, Thea walks over to him and that’s when she sees the glassy, unfocused look in his eyes.

“Oh, oh. Hey Barry, it’s okay, come back to bed.” Thea calls, gently coaxing him back on the cot. Once he laid back down, she covered him up, slowly tucking him in.

“Alright, I’m beat. Can you watch over him for a while?” Thea yawns.

          “Yeah, I can do that. Let me drive you home first.” Diggle insists.

“I can call for an uber.” Thea protests.

“If you’re sure.” Diggle sighs.

“I’m sure. I want you to watch over him. Make sure he stays breathing.” Thea demands, slowly walking outside of the Arrow cave.

 

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

          Diggle and Oliver had decided to go out on a mission without Barry much to his frustration. Barry knows that they’re just looking out for him, but Barry isn’t stupid, he knows distrust when he sees it. Thea and Laurel took one hell of a day to take a spa treatment. Must be nice. Barry decides to wait here for Oliver and Diggle to get back. He was going to give Diggle a piece of his mind. It was later that night when Oliver and Diggle walk into the MED bay.

Diggle walks over to Barry, using the equipment to examine Barry’s heart. Barry follows his instructions, knowing that he wouldn’t be satisfied until he went through all the checkups. Diggle sighs with relief when he sees that Barry’s heart was fine.

         

“Well, your heart is fine, no thanks to that stunt you pulled.” Diggle informs. Barry glares at him.

         

“You know _what_ Diggle? Cut the bullshit. This isn’t just about my health.” He snaps.

 

                   “Excuse me?” Diggle asks.

 

                   “You don’t _trust me_ , do you?” Barry asks.

 

                   “Considering how reckless you’ve been lately? No, I don’t.” Diggle answers. Slowly, Barry gets up.

 

                   “Yeah? Well, tough. I’m part of this team now whether _you_ like it or not. So, put on your big girl panties and stuff it.” He snaps.

 

                   “ _Enough_! What’s the problem here?” Oliver demands.

         

“You went out on a mission without even _asking me_ if I wanted to go!” Barry exclaims.

 

                   “Because you were recovering from a _heart attack_! Otherwise, we would have taken you with us!” Oliver shouts, trying to get through to Barry. Barry sighs.

 

          “Fine, but I want in on the next one.” He insists.

                   

“Alright, you can go on the next one. Now will you please, _please_ take a break? Let yourself grieve, before you explode!” Diggle pleads.

 

                   “Don’t you get it? If I let myself grieve, then I’ll start crying, and once I start crying, I may never stop!” Barry shouts, his voice breaking.

 

                   “And that’s okay! You’re allowed to _not_ be okay Barry, you just lost your father!” Oliver sighs. He wants to help Barry, he does, but he doesn’t know how. Eventually Felicity walks into the room.

 

                   “Hey, hey, whoa. What’s all the yelling about?” She asks.

 

                   “Nothing, just forget about it.” Barry sighs, wanting them to drop the subject. Felicity just shrugs.

 

                   “Uh, okay, fine. You missed quite a show tonight Barry.” Felicity informs.

 

                   “Oh really? Why’s that?” Barry asks.

 

                   “It’s a long story.” Oliver sighs.

 

          “Oh, my God, it is not a long story. It’s _the_ shortest story in _history_!” Felicity snaps.

         

“Seriously guys, what happened out there?” Barry asks, slowly sitting up from the cot.

         

“Two guys go take on criminals without asking for backup and nearly get _killed_ in the process!” Felicity answers.

         

“You know I haven’t said anything up until now, because I was _hoping_ that the two of you would remove your heads from your own assess without assistance. Clearly, I was wrong. I should have said something sooner.” Felicity adds. Felicity sighs when Oliver and Diggle turn away from each other.

          “Hey! No, no. This is the part where I talk and you two _listen_!” Felicity shouts.

 

          “You both nearly got killed tonight because you didn’t have each other’s backs!” Felicity adds.

 

          “That was a one-time deal Felicity, it won’t happen again.” Diggle spats.

 

          “I absolutely agree, because the two of you are going to sit down here until you’ve resolved your issues. Do we have an understanding?” Felicity demands.

          “Yes!” Oliver and Diggle call out in unison.

          “I’m going to take this to a guy at Palmer Tech to figure out how some lunatic meta turns tattoos into lethal weapons. If you two haven’t figured out your issues by the time I get back, I’m going to find a bunch of Mirakuru soldiers to knock some _sense_ into you.” Felicity snaps as she leaves the room. Barry sighs. Well, at least he isn’t the only one with issues.

         

          “What’s going on with you two anyway?” Barry asks.

          “It’s been months man, and I don’t know how many apologies-John, you’re a forgiving person.” Oliver sighs.

          “This isn’t about forgiveness man! I don’t know how to move forward with this. Us doing what we do!” Diggle exclaims.

          “We worked fine since I got back!” Oliver exclaims.

         

          “Really? Seems like you two have been at each other’s throats since I joined the team.” Barry scoffs.

          “Hush Barry. This is between us.” Diggle sighs. Barry holds his hands up.

          “Okay, sorry.” Barry apologizes.

          “We got lucky.” Diggle corrects. He sighs.

          “Oliver there was a time I would’ve taken a _bulle_ t for you, and I don’t know if I would do that now. Which means that even when we’re out there, we’re not out there together. You crossed a line, man, and the fact that you could do that again sits in the back of my mind somewhere.” Diggle reminds him.

          “I get it! I get it! I understand that I crossed a line, I understand that I lost your trust. What I _do not_ understand is why you won’t give me a chance to earn it back!” Oliver shouts. Diggle sighs.

          “You think this meta tonight is connected to Darhk?” He asks. Barry blinks in confusion. Who the hell are they talking about?

          “I don’t know. He mentioned a new player, a woman. Uh Fayad.” Oliver answers.

          “We need to go.” Diggle says as he starts walking.

          “Where?” Oliver asks.

          “Someplace where I’m going to try to trust you again. Barry, you coming?” Diggle asks.

          “No, I think you two should work this out. I’ll go on the next one.” Barry answers.

          “Well, okay then.” Oliver says as he and Diggle leave for the mission. Suddenly, Barry’s phone vibrates with a text message from Thea. _Hey Barry? Can you come meet me at Nanda Parbat? I’ll send you the directions._ The text reads. Barry blinks in confusion. What the hell? After reading the location, Barry changes into his Flash suit, and runs to Nanda Parbat.

 

  
  


 

 

 

 

 


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